Monday, May 16, 2016

Revelations and Realizations

As my last post mentioned I was going through a bit of a "rough patch" with Miss F and "Coco" was being affected by it the most.  This isn't the first time it has happened, and I'm not sure it will be the last, but like all relationships there are ups and downs and you just have to work through them.

I knew Miss F was feeling bad about how things were affecting me.  I wasn't trying to make Her feel badThat was the last thing I wanted.  But Coco has been a part of our relationship for several years now and She has come to realize that my being is Coco is not just some kind of "fetish" or activity that I like to only partake in occasionally.  She has come to realize it is much more than that, which I think is part of why we go through these little rough patches once or twice a year.  Remember, for the first 15 years of our marriage things were very "vanilla" for lack of a better term. There was very light kinky play in the bedroom once in a blue moon, but nothing more than that.  When Coco was born into our marriage Miss F had no idea how much Coco was going to be a part of "us".  It's been a very challenging thing for Her, to not only accept, but there's been a lot of learning as well.  She still doesn't quite understand how my sexual desires have changed now that I'm much more "fem", but She's trying and is beginning to grasp things better.

But last Thursday, while we were both at work and sending some texts back and forth, it was evident that She wanted Coco back.  The first thing was a text She sent saying, "Just be Coco. I know it's who you are. I understand". That hit me like a bombshell...in a good way though.  This was the first time She ever acknowledged how much Coco really is a part of me, and She said it in a very encouraging and loving context.  But at the same time it really made me realize how much I "am" Coco and that I can't imagine her not existing in my life...in me.  It was a profound moment in our relationship, but very positive.

The second thing that happened also occurred while we were texting.  I asked Miss F, "What do you like most about me being Coco?".  She answered, "I love how Coco treats me like a Queen and is so eager to do anything to make me happy".  I replied back, "I don't do that when I'm not Coco?".  She said "Yes, you do. But it's not the same. Coco really makes me feel like a Queen and I love it".

This was another monumental moment in our relationship.  Miss F knows I love being submissive to Her, but as Coco I am even more submissive.  It's because the fem side of me does view Her more as a Queen.  I have the utmost respect for Her from a "feminine" side, and as I become more feminine that respect and admiration grown more and more.  But when She outwardly told me this it was the first time ever that She admitted that She loves being in the Dominant role.  I think it's taken Her this long to "accept" it within Herself that it's OK to be the Dominant one in our relationship.  Needless to say, our exchange left me on cloud nine for the remainder of the day...and I'm still there now :)



 

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